Hey: Call up your dentist. Tell him he's a little bitch. Epic Meal Time on some chocolate-donut (bird call). Kit Kat, gay bacon, Boston cream, mother (bird call), what up? And as for your sweet tooth, oh, we’re gonna give your sweet tooth a sexual root canal. (title card: Candy BBQ (drip-drop-drippin'))

Harley: Chocolate (16500 cal and 990 fat), donuts (7200 cal and 28 grams fat), gay bacon (12600 cal), random assorted candy (11240 cal), marshmallow fluff (400 cal)… and cotton candy (945 cal). Mother (bird call), this is the candy barbecue.

(Preparation begins)

Harley: Hater, you’re Augustus Gloop. Call us Willy Wonka while we tamper that chocolate. We made us some rice chocolate patties. Epic Meal Time is in this for the dough, cookie dough. Muscles Glasses is being a fat (bird call). Steak-shape cookie dough containment apparatus. Cookie dough steak.

(overlapping) Drippin’ that chocolate sauce. Drippin’ that chocolate sauce. A-drippin’ that chocolate sauce. A-drippin’ that chocolate sauce. A-drippin’ that chocolate sauce.

Hater, you’re getting fatter. We’re all on that cotton candy batter. We don't take breaks, but we’re still about that Kit Kat, that deep fried Kit Kat. A pile of Kit Kat fries. Donuts is a bun, Fruit Roll-Ups are the cheese. Gay bacon strips. Gay bacon strips. Gay bacon strips. That looks good. Lettuce? Not that chill. Gummy green army men. Vanilla icing mayo. Red icing ketchup. Yellow icing mustard. Green icing relish. Candy burger. (bird call) smart. Chocolate Danish hot dog bun--smart. Oh Henry hot dog--smart. And all these candy condiments. We’re on that sugar (bird call). Making a whole bunch of these candy burgers. Gay bacon strips. Gay bacon strips. All these candy condiments. More candy condiments. Haters be learners; we’re making double candy burgers. Next level, guys, we make them Kit Kat fries. Marshmallow fluff, peanut M&M’s instead of a dumb potato salad.

(Preparation is complete)

Harley: I guess you can call this the no meat episode, but don't you (bird call) say it.

(Consumption of the meal begins)

Harley: Next time, we eat clown shoes.